emotions

by

My Grief

I’ve heard it said that grief has stages
that it’s a process

my grief is a list

my grief is a blow to the chest, standing breathless in a doorway
an hour late
a strange smell
too few seats

shock

my grief is an abandoned garden, earth cleared ready for planting
no hand to dig
words released
gifts to the soil

tears

my grief is a dark room, eyes open staring into the night
an empty cup
a silent promise

numb

my grief is a heavy cloak, a conflicted weave of threads
a weight I drag behind me
a burden I cling to

safe

my grief is hungry
it eats my sleep
it eats my dreams
it asks too much

my grief is a second blow, standing barefoot in the driveway
a familiar voice, unfamiliar confusion
forgotten actions
forgotten words

remote

my grief is sympathetic, falling into old habits
searching for an open a door
an open hand
a smile

calm

my grief is a locked box, the key long gone
unanswered questions
unresolved history
uncertain future

regret              

my grief is a lesson
in patience and trust
learning to wait
to give my mind time to adjust and make new connections
to give my heart time to accept the loss
to become used to this new truth

accept

my grief is fickle
it will begin to lose interest
it will stop paying attention
it won’t notice when I look the other way
it will start hunting elsewhere to be entertained

relief

and when it does
I will leave the house
stand in the rain
and breathe

lost birds settle on my shoulders

when I go inside
I see what grief has left for me on the table
photos
old china
and memories

©clairegriffin2020

by

broken glass

 

today was a stormy day of the heart
needing to move, to put distance
between my heart, my soul
and my daily life

standing on the rocky edge
looking out to sea
watching the waves coming
inexorably into shore

rock pools beckoned and I walked further out
looking through still water with a surface like glass
starfish and sea lettuce, neptune’s necklace and limpets
patiently waiting for the incoming tide

but the calm waters didn’t match
the turmoil I felt
the waves of emotions
needed something stronger

when sudden unexpected rain
struck intensely from behind
choosing not to run, I was drenched in seconds
standing still, with one hand holding back my hair

I stood and watched
as heavy rain broke the surface
all life beneath now an impressionist’s dream
then, just as quickly, rain stops and ripples spread and settle

when the liquid glass shattered
I drank the fragments
they cut through anger to release the tension
touching the wet rocks, I am centred in this turbulent landscape

I am the rain, the rocks, the fragile sea-life
I am the squally wind
heart-settled, soul-free

I watch the sea birds
ride the updrafts
and wish I had wings

©Claire Griffin 2016

Reading Tyler’s poem “Drop by drop” and discovering the lines
“All my worries fall away, I am a storm cloud”.
They seemed to express perfectly how I was feeling today.
Entering the landscape always helps me recover equilibrium,
but it took becoming part of the storm for it to work today.
The land reflected my feelings back to me,
and then I was able to release them.
Thanks for the inspiration Tyler 🙂
https://tylerpedersen02.wordpress.com/2015/12/13/drop-by-drop/