there was always a distance
a space I tried to cross
to reach you
I was alone
I sought your approval
thinking it was love
I walk alone
crossing a bridge of my own making
to a place of my choosing
I don’t need you
to be on the other side
I am complete
© Claire Griffin 2016
This is the shortest edit I can make of a piece written in September. I find I am still processing the events and subsequent realisations from the end of last year. A massive emotional blow that led to the reassessment of a key person in my life and everything I thought I knew about my childhood.
I’ve been writing about these experiences over the last few months, and I hoped I had “dealt” with it all, but these thoughts keep surfacing.
So I hesitated to post this, yet another expression of my personal turmoil. When I shared this hesitation with a friend – she encouraged me to post saying “but you can put into words the things that others can’t – it helps others that you share your feelings” and then I remembered that I’ve always believed the deeply personal can be the most universal – so I trust that there will be something here to connect with.
And I’ll stop feeling I need to make excuses for them. These words are who I am, and who I am becoming.
Still, while I’m tired of the darkness these pieces contain, writing my way through these feelings has released me, and I feel as though I am an adult at last, although I wish it hadn’t taken so long.