The other night, I met a goat
black, smooth haired, domestic
and still young.
It was stumbling along the road
scraps of rope tied around its neck and legs
and trailing behind it as it walked.
It told me it had been bound
and had chewed its way free.
It had been bound and at first,
when it was younger,
it thought this was okay.
It thought it was being cared for
and cared about.
But over time,
it realized this wasn’t the case.
It was alone
and the ropes were becoming tighter
as it grew.
It tripped and I reached for it,
lifting its small dark body into my arms.
“I will carry you.
I hope I’m strong enough”.
They say that goats can eat anything.
This goat ate its loneliness and desperation
ate its restraints and limitations
ate its past, chewed its way to freedom.
Another one of my strange dreams, from Wednesday night 18 March 2020. Its not until some time later, when I’m trying to remember what happened and I start writing, that I begin to make sense of it all. There’s such a lot of anxiety at the moment, I thought it might be connected to that.
But there’s something else going on. A sense of release, of being in a position to take care of another.
And like a few other dreams I’ve had, I think I am both the “me” in the dream, and the goat.
in memory of Frida – my wild gypsy queen – gone to wander among the stars
16 or more years – she came to me as a street-wise, street-child who would not be held,
who would fight for her freedom to roam the wild places
a canny little thing – never once, to my knowledge, in a fight with another cat,
but I did find her watching once or twice
after a year or two of patiently letting her have her way, she walked in one day,
made eye contact, and decided to be more approachable
she loved to be brushed, she’d let her claws be trimmed without a fuss
she had a few health problems – hyperthyroidism, flea allergy, and later kidney problems
she had a love of ice cream I put down to a deprived childhood
during the last night of my handsome Thomas,
she stayed up all night, keeping vigil with me
and after he passed she became closer, snugglier
she’s been by my side constantly these last couple of years while I’ve read and written my way into a deeper understanding of myself
this little shadow, this feisty willful girl – she deserves to have the best of times
in this new, mysterious chapter of her life
you dream of spending a day taking care of a sheep?
A sheep that looked more like a brindle-coloured pit bull – but was definitely a sheep – or really more of a lamb.
It seemed this lamb wasn’t going to have much of a future (perhaps blind, disabled?) and somehow it was at my workplace (which looked nothing like my real one). I spent a lot of my time carrying it around – left arm holding it close.
Having left work at the end of the day, I felt the need to go back and check on it. I unlocked a heavy wooden exterior door, and discovered I couldn’t re-lock it from the inside. This caused a little concern, but I continued, entered the office, and the lamb came running toward me.
I checked it was fed and watered and had a cosy place to sleep – then – either the dream or my memory of it, faded away.
What does it mean when you meet someone in a dream, you learn their name, their job, develop friendship. They are interested in who you are, they look at your writing.
They asked me a question I can’t remember fully – but I know it was a challenge of sorts – “so if you have this Scottish heritage why are you still writing …?” I can’t remember the rest of their question, but I know I countered with “…and the Irish”. We were looking at handwritten text and in the dream I could read it – but have no idea now what was written.
We sit looking at the dark sky filled with multiple crescent moons and stars and I say, “on nights like this I can’t imagine there being anywhere better – but maybe its time to leave…” and we agree to move away.
Just a note – one or two friends checked in with me recently and I told them – don’t worry – I’m fine. It’s true that I hadn’t been feeling that great for a while at the start of this year. I went quiet for a while and then posted a couple of dark pieces. I go into the dark sometimes – but I’ve learnt to trust myself to re-emerge. I’m not afraid of the dark – and I like to think – the dark – that’s where the seeds start to grow.
Take care everyone – hoping the next month is good to you xx.